Moo de Mudderland

     I been all ova, see? Nobody in de wurld knows de same as a sailor. Shoot! I stands up on deck and looks aroun de ocean an I kin see all troo, troo tousands uv miles an tousands uv centchirries - veryting! Hawahya Shanghai Australia Rio Bombay de five continints an de seven seas an de two oceans. An unda de friggin ocean, Atlantis an de los' continints an furder den dat, de mudderland uv de whole friggin universe, dat island uv Moo. Shoot, man! All dem places wid anshin histries dat go back tousands uv years. How ya gonna get em togedder in de bruddahood uv man?

I been in Shanghai inna native city. Ya life ain't wurt it ta go out in at native city night time. Right troo de troat! I seem dem widders standin dere an watchin deir husbinds boin up alive like roas' chicken. Open ya friggin mout an dey call ya coward. Dey got a million widders ova dere dat ain't good fer nuttin - dey're untouchables, nobody allowed ta hannle em.

Ya mean ta say ya could sit dere an lookit dat kinda ting? (In Japan dey do it wid an axe.) Watcha gonna do wit dem people.

Shoot! Four hunnerd fifty million in Japan an tree hunnerd fifty million in Africa an six hunnerd fifty million in India. Dey boin em up de same way in India. Dey take out de navel an trow it inta de Ganjes Riva so it gets reincarnated an it'll come back ta life stronger den it wuz. Cremation, fer Crissake, de mos sanitary ting in de wurld. Ya believe in at custom? A girl's gonna die, dey put pepper in er eyes an nail er hans down wid spikes. Why? fer Crissake. She goes ta her deat widout a murmer. Customs, fer Crissake. I wuz in Parliamin ova dere, I wuz in de obsurva section. Dey wuz tryin ta boost de friggin age limit 14 insteada 12. Wotta howl! Neva, by de Holy Booda, it's agin de tridishins, ya let de girls wait all dat time ta git married an dey goet polluted! Customs! A dame's givin burt' dey shut er up inna dark room so she doan get fever.

Shoot! Ya go an ship dem Hindoos ta England for an edjication an dey comes back lookin fer a job from de gubbermin, dey're reddy ta spit on deir own people. Dat Hindoo in Calcutta, e comes back an asts de officials fer a job. If ya doan give it to me, e sez, I'm gonna kill myself. Shoot, he cut is troat de nex day. None a dis friggin highbrow stuff fer de few. I sez, Sen em all ta grammar school or ya neva gonna bust dem tridishins. Why dey're trained dat way troo tousands uv years. Take ova dere in China, if yer hard up ya goes wid ya daughta ta de gubbimin an sells er for a tousan ye, ya puts er in de whoore house ta pay off de mortgage. Ever hear a dem Geesha girls? Dey're de mos sanitery whoores in de wurld. Shoot! Ya put yer arm aroun dem - why deir skin's like silk. Big eyes. Face like peaches. Dem girls is clean troo an troo, dey gives it ta ya straight an no bull, ya know wot yer gettin. I got pitchas a dem home. Dolls, fer Crissake. I show em ta my wife makes er wanna tear em up, she gets so jealous. Ya can' manifatcha dames like dat ovanight, takes centchirries ta make em day way. Like Pompeii da pitchas ova dere, de phallic wurship. Cris! All dam vanisht wurlds. Greece an Rome an Egyp an all dem places. De rest uv us is like nuttin compared to all dem centchirries. Like dem an' Moo de Mudderland, de same way. Why shoot! Dat island uv Alantis, dat's oney a los' colony uv Moo dat all de people uv de wurld come from, includin de friggin Aryans. Dat's wot I sez wid a few prufessers. Dat's histry, ya can' dispute it. Dey find oysta shells on toppa de Himilayas. Why? fer Chrissakes? Ya gotta become a prufesser ta know? Gas belts. Dat lava dat's shootin from Vesoovius ova in Italy dat comes from de gasbelts runnin unna de ocean all de way from Moo. Shoot! Dey gone down inna ocean an seen em down dere wid deir flashlights. Dey seen bases in Egyp' dat come all dey way from Greece dat wuz one a de los' colonies. If ya kin read de writin on em stones in Greece, dat's where it's proved about Moo. Ya gotta read it ass backward. All a dem wuz part uv Moo, de whole buncha dem wuz oney colonies uv Moo dat Vanisht.

Dat's wot's bounna happen ta de whole friggin wurld, fer Crissake, if ya doan hurry up an establish de bruddahood uv man. All dem refigees dat's shippin ova here gotta stay in de place dey wuz born in an fight deir friggin Hitler. Ya tink dem fashists come ova here I'm gonna ship out like some friggin coward? Stand me up against a wall an shoot me down, I ain't shippin out ta no place, I'm stayin right here in dis place an fight like hell. De same widda rest uv de wurld. Dam highbrow Hindoos dat go off ta England gotta stay inland in de villages instead a hangin aroun de big cities fer a job from de gubbimin. Dey gotta stay dere and help de people fight deir friggin Hitlers. Den dey kin get togedda in de bruddahood uv man. If dey don't or shoot! De whole wurld's gonna go back ta Moo de Mudderland an vanish in de friggin ocean.