"There's nothin' nicer than a good meal, served nice -- clean table cloth an' all. Course if you eat too much youh get fat and have indigestion. If youh feel like jest settin' round with youhr hands folded over your tummy, a good plan is to stop eatin' -- jest stop -- don't eat a mouthful for two or three days. If youh want to know how good food can taste, go without a few meals. Some folks say th' reason a tightwad lives longer than a man who spends his money like water, is because he eats lightly -- small meals cost little and they preserve him.
"Lots of folks make th' mistake of thinkin' th' more we eat th' stronger we get -- but 'tain't so at all. Too much eatin' makes toomuch fat an' carryin' round a lot of fat wears us all out an' then of course we don't feel like workin' an' if you don't feel like workin', it's a good idea to stop eatin' for a day or two.
"If you'll cut down on youhr meat 'n eggs 'n th' like an' eat more vegetables -- cabbage, 'n greens, 'n celery, 'n carrots, 'n parsnips, an' eat heaps of fruits, apples, 'n oranges, 'n grapefruit, all of them an' drink six glasses of water every day, youh'll be so peppy you're liable to get in trouble.
"You know there's heaps of people that's dug their graves with their teeth. A dyspeptic stomach gives you a dyspeptic mind an' that's what gives folks a sour-puss.
"Did you know th' Indians used to think if youh starved yourself youh got awful wise? My grandfather used to tell about how same terrible big Indian tried it once. All th' other Indians come around him to learn but he got so weak he could only crawl round an' he could hardly speak. Then he got onto hisself an' quit it an' then he went back to eatin' an' when he got to eatin' again an' th' Indians seen him they wouldn't have nothin' to do with him.
"I got awful fat myself an' th' doc said I better reduce, (gosh, how I hate that word) Well, I tried the vegetables, practiced a week on them, I Fletcherized, that's a jaw breaker, ain't it? I did th' no breakfast plan, then th' heavy breakfast 'n no lunch plan, th' daily dozen, deep breathin', I tackled whole wheat bread -- graham bread an' bran. Then I dragged my sylph-like form down to Boston an' took some of them Turkish Baths. I chewed my food slow an' I breathed through my nose while my mouth was full of food, but I kept right on bein' fat.
"Funny how we never knew nothin' about vitamins or calories or dietin' when we was young. Gosh! how do youh suppose we ever got along -- we must a-been tough ones to live through it. Now don't get me wrong. I believe in this vitamin and calory stuff all right. When they first got to be stylish and everyone was talkin' about plannin' menus and such, I says to myself, 'Mary Anne Meehan, get on to yourself. Your job is to cook and you got t' keep up to date'. So I set down and I read all them diet books and all I could find about menus and how to fix 'em so's they give youh the most strength. Let we tell youh, I wasn't goin' to be dumb about me job. I wasn't goin' to let those high hats I worked for know more about me business than I did.
"You know lots of folks look down on cooks as kind of -- well, inferior ones. Tain't like the old days when youh was the hired girl and was as good as the family. Nowadays some o' these women youh work for would treat youh like the dirt if they dared. I'll never forget one woman I cooked for. She was a classy one; always trying to push herself in where she wasn't wanted. One day she had some kind o' a shindig -- a tea or somethin'. She hired a girl by the day to do the servin' and I was in the kitchen a-fixin' up the stuff. Well, in the middle of the affairs I went in t' the dinin' room door jest to take a peek to see how th' food was goin. I hears me lady -- the one I worked for -- talkin' t' the bunch of them women and she says, 'Oh, my dears, I have the most wonderful cook, absolutely a jewel. She's French, right from Paree, and doesn't speak a word of English. She's absolutely wonderful, knows all the Continental dishes and I've taught her the American ones.
"Well, sir, it wasn't so much callin' me a Frenchman that got me nerves up as it was tellin' them women she taught me to cook. I pushed open that door and I says to her -- and it was in English -- 'see here, I ain't no Frenchman -- I'm Irish and proud o' it. And I'll have youh know you never taught me one thing, except how dumb some folks can be. God bless us, youh don't even know how to boil water'."
"Mary Anne, how did you dare?"
"Dare? And why wouldn't I, she had it comin' to her with her patronizing airs and always lookin' down her nose at me. I always says if youh know youh business well, no matter what kind of a business it is -- long as it's honest -- youh're as good as the next one. I never was one to be put upon. Sure I was a cook -- been one all my life 'cept when I worked in the mill and I ain't ashamed o' it, either."
